Masks, Cookies and the Dark Side
by Blue Teller
Summary: For the first time, Naruto's Talk No Jutsu failed to convert Obito. Now, Kakashi has to implement his knowledge of his former friend to get him back... with a great personal sacrifice. Pure crack


**Masks, Cookies and the Dark Side**

* * *

"This isn't the way! There is still time, Obito! You can still be good, dattebayo! Think what your friends would have wanted!" Naruto begged, sparkling with the Power of Friendship.

"I will never join you! With my flawless, totally not dubiously-reliable plan for World Peace, my greatest dreams will be realized!" Obito screamed dramatically.

"Oh no! Kakashi-sensei, my jutsu isn't working! What do we do?" Naruto said worriedly.

"Don't worry, Naruto," Kakashi said confidently, patting his shoulder. "I got this."

"You?" Obito gave a cruel laugh. "What can you do, Kakashi the Friend-Killer? Why on Kami would I ever listen to you?"

"Because..." Kakashi said slowly. "I know there is one thing you've always wanted. One thing you desired more than anything else. Something I've always refused to share..."

"No..." Obito whispered in disbelief. "You're bluffing... You would _never_!"

"Not for my own sake, no," Kakashi answered. "Maybe not even yours... But for the sake of the world... I'm willing to make this sacrifice."

Naruto, even though he was a total knucklehead, connected the dots as well. "Wait, Kakashi-sensei... You don't mean-"

"I do."

"No!" Naruto shouted in protest. "Not like this! There must be another way!"

"I'm afraid we have no other options left..." Kakashi shook his head sadly. "Well, Obito? Will you reconsider?"

Obito visibly struggled, sweat forming on his brow. "Bakashi... You bastard, how could you..."

***FLASHBACK***

"Hi!" A cheerful dark-haired boy with orange goggles greeted a mask-covered schoolmate. "That's a cool mask you have there!"

"Thanks," the white-haired kid replied neutrally.

"Can I see your face?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"...No."

"Fine!" Obito scowled in great offence. "Then I will become your rival, and one day I will _force you_ to show your face!"

"Good luck with that," Kakashi snorted, walking away.

***LATER***

"...What are you doing, Obito?"

"Nothing!"

"Focus on your own food, idiot."

"But Bakashi! Aren't you going to take off your mask to eat?!"

"Oh look, isn't that Rin in a cute kimono?"

"Where?! Wait, what the-"

"Thank you for the meal."

"HOW?! Sensei, Kakashi is cheating!"

"Just eat your food, Obito..." Minato sighed tiredly.

***LATER***

"Obito, you are talented - if you put at least half the effort in your training that you put into obsessing over Kakashi's mask, you would have beaten him a long time ago," his sensei tried, rather hopelessly.

"But sensei! How come he hides it all the time? How is it even possible?! Have YOU seen his face?!"

"Obito..."

"Well, DID YOU?!"

"Well, no, but-"

"So, here must be something horribly wrong with it, right!"

"I wouldn't know, but-"

"And once Rin sees how horrifyingly ugly Bakashi is under that mask," Obito declared "She's finally going to stop crushing on him!"

Minato facepalmed. "Obito, no..."

***LATER***

"I never gave you your promotion present..." Obito said, nobly dying under a boulder for his teammate. "Take my eye, so we might see the future together...!"

"Obito..."

As Kakashi and Rin left him behind, Obito reflected that it was a good way to die, sacrifising himself for his friends. Rin was safe, and so was Kakashi, and maybe his idiot rival would finally stop being a stick in the mud and wearing that stupid mask all the time like a weird person...

...wait a minute...

"NOOO!" Obito cried in despair. "I FORGOT TO ASK HIM TO UNMASK HIMSELF AS MY DYING WISH! I LOST MY ONLY CHANCE!"

And from that day forward, Obito swore revenge. Rin's death might have helped a little, too.

***BACK TO PRESENT***

"You only need to say yes," Kakashi tempted. "And you'll finally see for yourself..."

"Stop!" Obito covered his ears, trying to resist. "I don't need you to show me! In Infinite Tsukuyomi, no one would wear a mask!"

"But you'd never know if it was my _real_ face, now would you?" The white-haired bastard said smugly.

"**Argh**...!"

"Kakashi-sensei is willing to make such a great sacrifice..." Naruto teared up. "This is so much worse than his death in the Pein invasion!"

"Will he really do it, though?" Asked Sakura (who was not mentioned before because she was completely useless as always). "Will he really unmask himself?"

"He will. Because Sensei... is a **real hero**!"

"This is your last chance, Obito!" Kakashi declared. "Join us, and together we can defeat Zetsu, and restore peace to Konoha like brothers in arms!"

"...and you will show me your face?" Obito's resolve finally cracked.

"Sure."

"No tricks? You swear?"

"No tricks, I swear."

"You must show it first!"

"Nuh-uh. Zetsu has to go down first."

"Fine," Obito spat out.

"Nooo! You will not stop me!" cried Zetsu (who had been quietly observing everything from the sidelines for some reason, like anime people always do during Dramatic Dialogues) "The Eye of the Moon Plan shall be complete and I will revive my Mother, the Rabbit Goddess Kaguya!"

"Why does everything has to have long, dramatic names?" Naruto wondered to himself.

"Nevermind that. Begone, you aloe vera wannabe!" said Obito, trapping Zetsu in his Kamui dimension.

"That was surprisingly easy," noted Kakashi with surprise.

"Enough stalling, Bakashi! Show me your face!" Obito demanded.

Kakashi sighed. "Oh, very well..." Slowly, very slowly, his hands reached his collar. Everyone leaned forward in anticipation. Inch by inch, Kakashi finally... removed... _his **mask**._

Underneath was the _last thing_ anybody expected.

"A... _face_?" Obito said in disbelief.

Kakashi blinked, confused. "It's just my face," he said, shrugging.

"No, it doesn't make any sense! It's a COMPLETELY NORMAL FACE!" Obito exclaimed.

"What else did you expect?" Kakashi lifted his eyebrows.

"Buck teeth?" Naruto guessed.

"Fat lips?" Sakura said.

"Burn-marks?"

"Other terrible facial disfigurement?"

"I have a mole," Kakashi offered.

"It's not a mole, it's a freaking BEAUTY MARK!" Obito cried in outrage. "You... You're _handsome_, you complete bastard!"

"Thanks, I guess?"

"No, I mean, then why the hell were you hiding your face this whole time?!" the Uchiha threw his hands in the air in frustration. "That makes absolutely no sense!"

"It's a long and very tragic backstory," Kakashi started, "For you see-"

"Waaaait a minute!" Naruto interrupted. "I recognize this face from somewhere!"

"Yeah... now that you mention it..." Sakura said slowly. "Doesn't he look like that photographer Sukea?"

Kakashi started sweating nervously.

"Bakashi..." Obito spoke in a low, menacing voice. "_Run_."

And thus, the Fourth Shinobi War ended, with two students and a former teammate conducting terrible vengeance upon the infamous Copy Ninja, bonding in the process.

_The End._

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**Author's Note:**

**Behold! My one and only Naruto fic! (Maybe I'll write a crossover someday, but I doubt I'll write any non-parody story for this franchise.) Was it alright? Please let me know in the comments!**

**Thank you for reading, please follow and add to favorites if you can, but most importantly - read on and enjoy!" ;)**


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